After loosing the battle of addiction with Jani I have questioned and blamed myself for many mistakes and errors. When you first realize you are in a fight for the life of your little girl you turn anywhere for help or answers. The yellow pages are empty in the comfort department for the loved ones of addicts. Somehow paying the huge amounts of money the addiction specialists demand temporarily gives you a direction.
One of the biggest regrets I have as I ponder my experience during the last year of Jani's life is listening to addiction counselors about tough love. There is a fine line between facilitating an addiction and loving an addict. I do not believe this includes rejection of your loved one until they stop using.
I often wonder how many addiction counselors would follow their own advice to the death of someone they love. Refusal to accept any use or behavior that leads to use is an intense approach. But it can be done without shutting out the addict from the support system they need. This may mean not providing any housing, food, or transportation as long as your loved one is using. But they have to know you can still love them and are excited to see the old person buried by the addition.
Bill W. founder of A.A. framed a powerful 12 step process to aid in the recovery of addiction. 1. Admit you are powerless over your addiction. 2. Realize that a Higher Power can restore your sanity. 3. Turn your life and your will over to God. The addict has let the need to use replace God in their system. They have to know that God still loves them and will help them. The first way to help them to this knowledge is to help them know you love them. Like raising children, there are no hard rules that work for everyone when dealing with an addict. They can recover, don't give up.
